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The boss strikes again at the office Christmas party.
When I awoke she was still there and the mornings first light was coming in the windows making her look angelic sleeping on my lap. She woke up with a start and a looked at with a sleepy smile and we both laughed. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to her big bed where a dropped her as she shrieked and giggled.
I told her I had to go home and change for work. She reached up, hugged me and gave me a kiss. I had forgotten the simple pleasure of passionate kisses. I told her I wanted to take her to dinner that night and she answered with a happy "yes."
So for the next month we slowly became inseparable. She surprised me with her sexual hunger and the uninhibited way she enjoyed sex. Smart, independent, very feminine, yet I sensed her deep insecurity. She had a need for reassurance and guidance on a personal level. I began to realize also that she associated spanking with forgiveness and with love. She had often spoken glowingly of her father and mentioned many times about him spanking her. I came to realize the doubt and guilt feelings she carried, as emotional baggage had been wiped clean when she was punished and then forgiven. To her punishment and forgiveness equaled love.
Things had been going fine and I certainly never had any reason to punish her when she forced the issue by doing something unexpected. I had often taken her over my knee for play spankings and had even happily spanked her ass during lovemaking but never for punishment.
I noticed that whenever something went wrong like her being late for a date or not ready on time, or even something simple like burning dinner, forgetting to return videos or anything of that nature she would get upset with herself and look at me expectantly. I never chastised her and instead felt a hug and a gentle word of encouragement was called for. This often left her quiet and brooding for some time after and I sensed she was somehow disappointed. I knew in the past her mother and boyfriends would berate her for every little thing so I tried the opposite approach, for her shortcomings were few and minor. She carried a lot of guilt in her so I tried to build her self-confidence. It was I found out, the wrong approach to take.
It had been a bad week for her. There was lots of stress in work with deadlines and closings to be ready for. She ran out of gas one night on the way home from work and I had to go bring a can of it to rescue her. Thursday night she forgot about our dinner date and worked late while I sat in a restaurant for over 90 minutes till she arrived and sat with a guilty look throughout dinner. Friday night she tried to make it up to me by making my favorite dinner but she fell asleep and baked our lasagna to crispy shoe leather. She was in tears as I sat down to hack into it and couldn't help but smile at her. I was thinking how much I loved this girl when suddenly she asked me to leave and said she didn't want to see me anymore. I was stunned and hurt at this and she began to cry bitterly with her head in her hands.
"You don't care," she told me weeping, "you never even get upset when I do things wrong. It must not matter to you what I do!"
I was stunned and told her that I most certainly did care and that she mattered very much to me. She looked at me with eyes swollen with tears and then the final piece of the puzzle was put in place for me.
"You are too nice to me," she whispered, "I don't deserve someone like you."
Then anger filled me, I saw what all those years with her mother had done to her and I felt helpless rage towards that awful woman. I also understood why she spoke fondly of her father and the spankings she received. Her mother had programmed her to feel guilty about every little thing that went wrong and her Father relieved these feelings by punishing her and made her feel loved afterwards.
All those little things that happened this last week had built up inside her.