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Cake batter is better licked off her body than baked.

I got up hastily, and went to clean up the mess I had made. The tears flowed like water from a tap, as I cleaned up, and poured the rest of the milk into a cup. I poured in some chocolate syrup, and stirred, watching the brown liquid go round and round in the cup, fancifully thinking it told the story of my life without Adam. The image blurred, and I dashed away fresh tears, sipping hot milk and sniffling.

Footsteps told me I was not to be alone longer, so I hastily wiped my eyes, and kept my head lowered to hide red eyes and a wet nose. George's voice broke the silence. "You're up early, Lee. Are you all right?" His voice held concern, and I hastened to reassure him.

"I'm fine, George, I'm fine! I didn't sleep well, that's all," I added, by way of explaining hot milk in the morning. "I think I'll head back to bed, now. I'm going to try for a sleep in."

George went about making coffee, and the smell of fresh beans was somehow the saddest thing to happen to me in a long time. I rushed out of the kitchen, up the stairs to my room, almost knocking Naomi off her feet as I went. She was right behind me, and as I sat on the bed, she sat next to me.

"Lee, I wish you'd talk to me, or to somebody. You haven't said anything to anyone since you've been here. It's been four days! And I hate to see you pining away, and dying inside like this!"

My sister's voice was cracked with feeling, and she gripped my shoulders tightly as she spoke. I turned to look at her.

"There's nothing to say, Naomi. I can't explain how I'm feeling, and I don't think talking about it will help. And anyway, why should I depress everyone else? It's not as though I'm the only one who's ever lost a husband!" I was trying to sound light and airy, and I was not fooling anyone, least of all my sister. She hugged me wordlessly, and cried with me as I let out all the pain I had been bottling up inside me for days. I couldn't seem to stop, and she didn't try to make me.

I do not know how long we sat there, in each other's arms, but eventually, there seemed to be no more tears. I was spent, for the moment. I broke the silence first.

"I think I'd like to stay in today. I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm feeling a little tired. I can't believe how exhausted I feel these days. How would I feel if I was still at work? How am I going to feel when I go back?"

"Don't worry about any of that now. You're here to rest. If you need to stay in, go right ahead. Gee and I have to go into town for a while, but you'll be fine, here. Joshua said he'd pass by later, if you're up to a visitor. If not, he'll go, "she added hastily, when she saw the face I made.


Todd walked slowly over to me with the young girl next to him, and I watched my son with pride. He was so tall, so handsome, so like his father, and she was so diminutive and petite, that he seemed to tower over her. She was a pretty girl, with very dark skin, and deep dimples. Adam shook her hand gravely, and she stood before me shyly, anxiety plain in her face.

"Hello, Wanda," I said. "Sit next to me." Wanda sat down on the edge of the sofa next to me, and Todd went to get her a drink. Adam had been very gentle with her, because her English was still not strong, and I watched as she flowered under his attention. He asked her about her home, about her family, about herself. By the time she was ready to leave, she had completely relaxed, and laughed merrily at everything anyone said to her.

He always seemed to have a way with women, and a part of me was always a little wary of them. What if someone stole him away from me? How would I live? Wanda was a welcome respite from the worry that nagged at me. She was twelve, Todd thirteen, and they were going to the junior high school dance together. When Adam came back from taking them to the school hall, he laughed at the way she sat on the edge of the sofa. "Like a frightened kitten, ready to jump off," he said.

"You have that effect on people," I said laughingly, "especially women."

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