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"It's not that I don't love you, Josh. I just don't want you in a sexless relationship. I know my back and I don't want you wanting something I can't give you."

"Drew, I don't care about that. I love you and never stopped." He took my hand in his. "Drew, no one has ever compared to you. It was weird luck that we found one another. Please don't push me away."

"Josh, let's not put the cart before the horse. You don't have the job yet."

We stayed in my bedroom for a long time talking that night. He still flung his arms around while talking, I always loved how much energy he had. I guess that is good for being a doctor. All I have to do is have the energy to sit in front of a monitor all day-boring for most, but I love it. We didn't even realize how much time passed until Pete knocked again and told us he was heading to bed. We looked at the clock, and Josh said he should go to bed as well, and left the room.
After he left my room I had to keep telling my heart to not fall again, that we didn't know if he will really be around or was completely serious about rekindling. But god, I did lie awake the whole night hoping. I finally got up at four. I couldn't stand lying awake any longer, so I got up to start my day.

I am a creature of habit, on the weeks I get paid I pay my bills first then I head for the stores to buy what I need. Not that I can't afford to go every week or every day, but I just take a day every two weeks to do it. I drop most of my check into my savings. I'm not hurting for money. I also go visit my parents on Saturdays, sometimes I take my brother off their hands, so they can have a day together.

So the first thing I did was, of course, grab one of my laptops to pay the bills, and then I made a grocery list. I took a shower and headed out, knowing I would stop back through a few times. I headed to a few different stores. I keep a little fridge in my office at work, so I stopped there and restocked my pop, coffee, and snack supplies. I pretty much live on sugar and caffeine at work.

When I finished the shopping, I returned to the house for the last time and put the last of it away. Still no one was up, so I headed out to my parents and I spent a few hours there. My parents didn't have any plans this week so I just sat around for a bit and talked. When I finally made it back to the house, Josh and Pete were up and talking in the family room again. When Josh looked up he smiled, making my heart do flips.

Pete left us, saying that he was meeting Jenny for a late lunch and I sat down on the couch with Josh. We talked and held hands for a long time. I made us a late lunch and after everything was cleaned up we just stood for a while in the kitchen.

"You look tired," Josh said.

"I am, but don't worry. I will be okay," I responded.

"You are still like you were in college, aren't you? You'll run until you drop." I just nodded. He pulled me down the hall to my bedroom and told me to lay down. I did as told, and he crawled up behind me and spooned me. He kissed the back of my neck and told me to sleep. It was this way in school as well. I would get so hyped up on something that I was doing and wouldn't sleep for days. Then Josh would just pull me to my bed and wrap himself around me and tell me to sleep, and I would. It took me a little while this time, but I fell asleep while Josh held me.

I woke a few hours later. Josh was still holding me, but from his even breathing I could tell he was asleep-at least I thought he was asleep. I slowly turned over in his embrace and when I did he was looking at me. "Hi," he said and smiled.

"Hi," I smiled back. He leaned in to kiss me, but I looked down between us, so he didn't. "Josh, I want this, but I don't know. What if you don't get the job?"

"I will find a job somehow, some way. I am not going to miss this opportunity." He bent down to kiss me. This time I kissed him back, but I reminded myself to guard my heart. There was a real possibility that he wouldn't get the job, and then we would be stuck in a long distance relationship.

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