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Was she the one who was watching?
"Well, I'll get myself something." I left her and went to the bar.
I returned with a glass of red wine and sat down opposite her. She looked at me expectantly. I was shaking inside, my stomach was a tight knot. I hoped it didn't show, but I expect it did. I was determined to get through this without shouting, without losing my temper, and in total control. After that I was going to go out and run up Everest, it would be an easier challenge!
"Beth, I want to be clear and honest with you. I don't believe we can put this right. I think your betrayal of me, of us, is beyond repair. I am so angry with you for what you did. For changing my life so completely, without any reference to me. I trusted you with my very soul and you chose, of your own freewill to damage me irretrievably. I don't think I could ever trust you again."
There was a sharp in take of breath from Beth. "Oh Tim, I don't know how to show you how sorry I am. I can think of nothing else but the hurt I've caused you. I need to be given a chance to try to put it right. Please Tim. Don't make this the end. Please.."
"No. I want you to be clear of where you start from. I know I still love you, I can't stop loving you in five days. But loving you and staying married to you are two different things. Everyone tells me that I must talk to you. That I must give our marriage a chance. I would love to be able to put it right. I desperately want our old partnership back. I just don't believe it can be done. But, if you want to try, then I'll listen and talk, directly to you or with counsellors or anything you want to try."
"Oh thank you. I'll do whatever it takes."
"Well, there are some conditions." I said firmly.
"Conditions? What? I've said I'll do anything." She looked eager and hopeful.
"I'll come to those in a moment. Before that you should know that there is also a timetable. At the weekend I saw a fabulous flat that I would want to move into if we are at the end. Now I have to make up my mind and sign a lease or lose my deposit and let it go by 14th July. So we've got 'til then to decide whether its worth pressing on with reconciliation or not."
"Surely, you wouldn't write us off so soon. Why is this flat so special?"
"Well, in theory I guess there is no difference between you living with your parents and me living at the house, and me living in a flat and you living in the house. But, I know that if I move out of the house it will probably be for good. This flat is a fresh start, it is not just some rooms to camp out in while we sort things out. It's not like me going into a hotel for a few days. This would be my new home, my new life. I don't know why, but that's what it signifies to me."
"You needed to know that there are time limits."
"Thank you." Her head dipped, in defeat.
I took a sip of wine. She took her cue from me and also took a drink. We eyed each other. She looked tired, the bags under her eyes were very pronounced. Had they been there, maybe less so, but still there before Friday. Had I not noticed that she was tired, stressed from her double life? Don't get carried away from your agenda, Tim!
"Since Friday you've done a couple of things wrong." I opened on the core of my intentions. "You've given me the worst emotional time of my life. I cry myself to sleep. I wake up in the night with nightmare images of you and Ken rutting like animals. I hate you for lying and cheating on me for three months, time after time. I tear myself up that I never noticed the stress and fear you must have lived with in that same time."
She moved to say something, but I held up my hand to stop her.