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Goodbye is such sweet sorrow.
I didn't know why she hated me so much and probably never would, but I began to see that hating her back and wanting revenge weren't going to help me save my marriage if it was even possible to do that.
All of those thoughts and more raced through my head during the twenty minutes it took for us to finish our dinner. After declining dessert and being told to take all the time we wanted by Jennifer, I turned to Mare again.
"Mare, you know I still love you and I'm hoping we can rebuild our relationship so that it is stronger than it was before; but there has to be some changes. I'm tired of being afraid of your father and what he might do to me if I didn't make you happy. I'm tired of being on the fringes whenever we've been to all those social events thrown in your honor or for your activism for girls' sports and volleyball in particular.
"Evidently you hadn't heard the "He's just Marizona Scott's husband." comments, but I had and they didn't make me feel very good.
"I don't want you to think that I'm one of those men that get jealous because their wives are more successful in their careers than they are, but I can't continue being an afterthought. For us to continue to be married, things have to change so that we become the Scotts and not Marizona Scott and her husband. I will not sit at the end of a table with four or more people between us like I have in the past.
"Until you've rebuilt my trust in you, we'll be joined at the hips whenever we go out for whatever reason. If you can't live with that, let me know now and I'll move out tomorrow."
"I can..." Mare started to say.
"I wasn't finished." I growled at her. "I have something more to say."
Mare paled at my anger and then tried to look contrite while motioning for me to continue.
"I've been struggling with something I thought of from your little adventure last week. Are you a closet slut who uses getting drunk as an excuse to indulge in what you secretly grave or are you an alcoholic who can't control her sexual urges when she's drunk?
"I think you need to see someone and try to find out which it is. If you're a closet slut, our marriage is over. I love you, but I wouldn't tolerate a repeat of last weekend. Now I'll listen to what you have to say."
"Joe, I love you and I will do whatever I have to so we can stay together. I didn't know about what Poppi did to you in Cancun. I was so happy to see you that day that I didn't care how he'd gotten you to come and talk to me. When you caught me instead of stepping back and letting me fall flat on my face, I knew you still cared at least a little for me.
"Our first kiss that night only intensified my love for you. It was like all those years apart hadn't even happened. Joe, you're the only man I'll ever be able to love and I promise you'll never be made to feel like an outsider ever again.
"If you think I need to see someone about why I turn into a cock crazed slut when I drink, I will. I'll ask Marcia to refer me to a good therapist tomorrow.
"Will you move back into our bedroom, Joe?" Mare asked pleadingly.
"Not until you've been proven to be completely disease free, Marizona."
"Marcia says that will only be six to eight weeks not months. You can call her tomorrow and ask her if you don't believe me. I won't pretend that I'm happy about us sleeping apart, but I'll deal with it for however long it takes, Joe."
Mare was interrupted at that moment by an attractive, older woman. "How are you folks this evening? My name is Tilda and I'm the manager this evening. I hope Jennifer took good care of you. I'm sorry to have to ask you, but would you mind moving to the center section? It would be so much easier on Jennifer if you did."
"Everything was fine and we were ready to leave anyway. Give the lady the check and a hundred dollars, Mare. Would you please have Jennifer take care of our bill and tell her to keep the change?" I said to Tilda.
We left the restaurant and I drove us to a sports bar to kill some more time until the nightclub I had in mi